Sunday, March 20, 2005

The Catheter Chronicles IV: The Quest for Peace

I'm this close to telling these medical goons to just yank out this thing and use it for a tether ball rope.

Sigh.

Today was another CAT scan. For those of you uninitiated, you have to drink a chalky, nauseating barium substance a couple hours before this procedure. Fortunately it's non-evasive, so I've got that going for me.

I haven't heard any results yet, but I can just begin to imagine how the conversation will go:

"Hi, Stacy...it's Dr. I."

I will attempt to sound enthused.

"Howdy, Dr. I. How are things?"

"Well, I have some good news and some bad news."

Since I've slowly morphed into a pessimist over these last few years, I request the bad news first.

"We have no idea what's wrong with your catheter."

"Ooookkkkk. What's the good news?"

"I just saved a bunch of money by switching to Geico."

I know. The fifteen minutes of media humor that company has soaked up should have dried up long ago. But talking lizards make me laugh.

In other news, I am putting something I used to value up on the block:

BUY YOUR OWN RADIO SHOW

Slightly used, highly annoying radio show for sale to highest bidder. Needs remodeling. And a squeagy. Will trade for tasty pepperoni pizza. Or Winona Ryder paraphenelia. Inquire within.

Thank you for your patronage.

1 comment:

  1. Yayyy! Geico lizard! I like the guy better...you know? The dumb white guy? He's fabulous. I so adore your blog. I'm sorry the pd thing isn't going right at the moment. I'm hoping for 'ya...

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