Tuesday, March 22, 2005

Get to Know Your Local Stacy

Get to know me!

Why do I chew ice in the nude? Why does Jello feel good in your pants?

Get to know me!

Why am I clinically dateless every Saturday? Why is there a tube dancing out of my belly?

Get to know me!

When someone forwards me e-mail, my brain gets all itchy. And the only cure for an itchy brain is intelligent thought.

Failing that, I thought I would answer all these questions in an e-mail my sister sent me.

Yeah, my Muse is in the corner reading Mad Magazine.

I didn't even know they still printed Mad Magazine.

I guess that's why my brain is itchy.

1. LAST MOVIE YOU SAW IN A THEATER?

"The Incredibles". I'll probably stop talking about this film around Labor Day, but I love to bathe in unadulterated creativity. It also brings up a very interesting topic...what would your superhero name be? That's right, I'd be Dateless Wonder.

2. BOOK ARE YOU READING?

"The Well Fed Writer" by Peter Bowerman. What, you thought I was going to be a dopey DJ until my 40's?? I've only really had two dreams since college ended: become a broadcaster and a professional writer. Halfway there...

3. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?

I'm really old school when it comes to questions like these...Monopoly. Everybody knows the rules and all that money feels really good. I've heard the Euro looks like the Monopoly pink bills...

4. FAVORITE MAGAZINE?

"Entertainment Weekly", hands down. I read it cover to cover every week when it arrives. I can't remember the last time I wasn't a subscriber.

5. FAVORITE SMELLS?

BBQ on a summer afternoon, movie popcorn fresh out of the popper, freshly cut firewood, oven baked pepperoni and sausage pizza, freshly cut spring grass, the musty smell of a room filled with vinyl records (takes me back to my college radio days) and sweet squiggly.

6. FAVORITE FOODS?

All I need is fresh taqueria mexican food and oven baked pizza.

7. FAVORITE SOUND?

A part of me from my childhood still thrills to the sound of a freshly squeezed fart. I'll laugh for hours...

8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD?

That lonely feeling late at night when it's 1am in the hospital and you wonder why no one came to visit you again today... Also, whenever I make anyone cry.

9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKEUP?

Why does God hate me so much...

10. FAVORITE FAST FOOD PLACE?

Wendy's rules all fast food restaurants. I'm on a sabatical from fast food right now, but once I return I'll be stuffing my face with a Double Bacon Cheeseburger. Heaven until it mutates in my lower intestine. Please see #7 for more information.

11. FUTURE CHILD'S NAME?

For a daughter, Amelia, after my baby sister and my grandmother. All my sons will be named Stacy.

12. FINISH THIS STATEMENT. "IF I HAD A LOT OF MONEY...I'D QUIT MY JOB...

...and travel all over the world, become an international playboy and buy that island with that theme park on it.

13. DO YOU DRIVE FAST?

I used to when I was younger, but I haven't pulled over for speeding in years. I can't deal with the insurance hikes and my vision has really deteriorated to the point where I don't want to hurt anyone.

14. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL?

No, but I still have my teddy bear from when I was a kid. He's in the living room high atop a bookshelf. He guards the TV.

15. STORMS-COOL OR SCARY?

Storms are highly entertaining. I wish we had more thunderstorms here in the North Bay.

16. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?

A 1980 Ford Mustang. I used to call it the "Milk Carton" in high school because it was made mostly of plastic. I had a lot of great memories of growing up in that car though...and I delivered a helluva lot of pizza.

17. FAVORITE DRINK?

The most complete beverage on the planet is simple: Coca-Cola in a tall glass with those little squares of ice. Drinking it out of the can is obscene.

18. FINISH THIS STATEMENT, "IF I HAD THE TIME"

I'd do a better job of trying to improve myself as a person.

19. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS ON BROCCOLI?

Yes, but I'd prefer to draw a big, fat celery (old Abbott & Costello joke.)

20. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR, WHAT WOULDBE YOUR CHOICE?

I'd go blonde just to see if I had more fun. And then I'd quickly change back because I enjoy having dark brown hair, although there's a little too much grey for my taste these days.

21. NAME ALL THE DIFFERENT CITIES/TOWNS YOU HAVE LIVED IN:

Stockton, CA., Pismo Beach, CA., Long Beach, CA., West L.A., CA., Las Cruces, NM., Santa Rosa, CA.

22. NAME ALL THE STATES/COUNTRIES YOU HAVE VISITED:

California, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Washington, Arizona, Nevada, West Virginia and U.S. Lite (Mexico.)

23. GLASS - HALF EMPTY OR FULL?

Goddamnit...I dropped the glass. Sigh.

24. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH?

All-American Football! And I'm not even sure if I enjoy watching the games or studying all the statistics associated with the game. Every season I'm on NFL.com using their stat section to compare every other team's QB against the Steelers.

25. ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU:

My baby sister is the most giving person I know. I have her kidney to remind me of her every day.

26. WHAT IS UNDER YOUR BED?

Unvacuumed carpet because I don't have a bed frame for my new queen mattress and box spring.

27. TOILET PAPER -OVER OR UNDER?

Over. I'm a neat freak. If it's under it looks wrong. Of course, it looks really wrong after I use it.

28. SEAT UP OR DOWN?

I live alone and I hate to miss in the middle of the night so I usually leave it up. This has been the Things NO ONE Wanted to Know About Stacy Section.

29. MORNING PERSON, OR NIGHT OWL?

Before I had so much work to do I could sleep into noon every day and work until all hours of the night. I imagine my hell would be getting up at 5am every morning and being greeted by bright, cheery annoying people everywhere you went. Why do you think I don't go on the air until 3pm every afternoon? I'm not usually conscious until 1pm.

28. OVER EASY OR SUNNY SIDE UP?

I like my women both ways.

31. FAVORITE PLACE TO RELAX?

On the couch with my Netflix DVD's. Sometimes they're my only friend.

Thanks for...getting to know me!

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