Saturday, March 26, 2005

The Magnificent Mutation of the Exquisite Alphabet

I will now attempt what no Blogger has ever even imagined performing in the history of contemporary weblog's.

I will now attempt to write a quick paragraph using the entire alphabet at the beginning of each word.

But alphabetically.

I know. Interesting, yet totally useless.

Please. May I have silence as I attempt this unbelievable feat.

Thank you.

(Stacy Without an E closes his eyes and visualizes each letter eight feet tall, each with it's own unique color, and with a furry, Muppet-like texture.)

Ambidextrous beleagured canoodling doesn't exist for general hedonistic individuals. Juxtaposing kinetic linguistics manually nevertheless ostracizes perfectly quixotic, rudimentary sodomites. Tertiary underlings violate whimsically xenophobic yearlings zippers.

(Cue: overly epic symphony music)

I've done it! I am the first blogger in history to successfully type a paragraph using the first letter of every word alphabetically!

What diseased mind would undertake such a venture? Will this individual be rewarded, or cast off into the bowels of time, forever to remain in the stool of history?

I know. Gross.

These are questions I dare not answer.

And this is an experiment I dare not undertake again. I'm presently trying to wrap my mind around the fact that it actually succeeded.

Oh no. Oh no, I don't think so. I hear what you're saying, "But the paragraph makes no sense! You fool! You dim-witted fool!"

I dare you to return to that magnificent paragraph and allow it to seep into the recesses of your mind.

You can't, can you? It is too original, too creative, too taxing on your present mental capacity.

Actually, I just read it over again. It drips with sexual overtones. And it's difficult to read.

I apologize for violating your beautiful alphabet in such a manner.

Here she is, in her purest form:

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

Who would believe, when man first etched his writings upon the rock face of the past, that so many facets of the human condition could deride from such a small collection of letters.

The same combination of letters can create love or tragedy, giggles or tears, simply with a quick rearrangement of the elements.

And that's why I love her so.

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