Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Insomnia is My Bestest Friend Ever

I first met Insomnia in high school moments after discovering "Late Night with David Letterman" for the first time.

Dave spoke to my sensibilities, even at such a tender young age. He was just like me: dorky, funny and a big fan of velcro.

I was getting up to turn off the TV when Insomnia reached for my wrist. She guided my hand back to the remote with a big smile on her face.

"But I have to get up at 6am and go to school. I have calculus at 7:30."

My protests went unheard.

Insomnia was a beautiful creature, long raven hair, milky skin and the largest brown eyes I had ever seen.

But she was pure evil.

Night after night I would try to go to bed early so I wouldn't fall asleep in English class, but she always found something to keep my attention.

Some nights it was classic black and white films. Others it was a contest to see who could make bologna stick to my bedroom wall longer.

We had so much fun together, but I paid for it ten-fold the following day.

If you were to glance at my high school yearbook, you would see that most everyone signed their entry, "P.S. Get Some Sleep!"

When I showed it to Insomnia the next evening...sorry, I mean morning, because Insomnia never dropped by until Letterman was nearly over, she found it high-larious.

It was then she knew she had full control over my life.

When I began to get older, and "real life" dictated that I get a "real job", I realized she was "real serious" about us.

But not in a positive way.

She began to whisper doubts about my future into my ear. When I would have a date, she would tell me how grotesque and freakish I was because of my medical condition and that no one would ever truly love me like she did. The moment I talked about my dreams of being on the radio she would cackle, catch her breath and the shake her head at how foolish I was.

I've tried everything to rid myself of her...Restirol, Vicodin, Ambien and sixteen other medications I can't pronounce. Most of these knock people out cold. Not me. Insomnia makes sure that I have her full attention at all times.

Last night she was especially giddy because I received a call at 1am telling me the station was off the air. When I returned hours later, there she was in her adorable little pajamas, grinning as usual.

Like I said before, pure evil.

I wish to be free of her, but I can't seem to find a good night's sleep.

There's one thing, and only thing that will make her leave me for good.


The day I can look myself in the mirror and see myself smiling back will be the day she dies.

And that day can't come too soon. And it better.

Before it's too late.

1 comment:

  1. Seems like you met her too! People have been telling me for years I need more sleep... they're probably right...

    But.. Those quiet hours... after the rest of the household is sleeping, are when some of my most creative moments happen, I'd hate to sleep through them!

    Thanks for an interesting, and enjoyable post.