Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Diminishing Returns

You have no idea the travesties I have to endure on a daily basis. Because I work in the "media", certain individuals are allowed to get away with certain actions that would most likely get you fired in the real world.

Let's see if I can introduce you to these frightening characters without IQ points bleeding from your ears.

The one that irritates me much like having your skin set on fire is this idiot they just can't seem to fire who works for our News Talk outlet. He's a frickin' moron. And I use the phrase "frickin" lightly. He has been caught viewing porn, at work, during regular business hours, twice and still is employed here. What's worse, they made him Employee of the Month! He also dates women from escort services and then calls them his "girlfriend" and flaunts them like it's Christmas morning.

Fucking retard.

I'm sorry. Let me retract that because it's insulting to mentally challenged people.

Fucking imbecile.

Then there's the sales's executive who hops on new sales guys minutes after they've started working here. I'm sorry missey, but fucking ugly guys does not make you a success, unless you're qualifying in the Herpes Olympics.

Now let me introduce you to the new part-timer who, when he worked here previously many years ago, walked into the studio when one of our married weekend jocks was on the air. He looked her dead in the eye, removed her wedding ring and told her with a straight face, "You won't be needing this when we're together."

The company ended up paying for a psychologist becuase she was so traumatized.

The following week we had to endure the most painful sexual harrassment meetings you've ever experienced. The videos had bad acting and inappropriate humor. Karma has been kind since he's fat and bald now. Maybe he should hang out with the guy who loves porn.

The midday guy at the rock station is also a piece of work. He has a beautiful, exotic girlfriend, but that's not good enough for him. He attempts to seduce a different female employee on a daily basis. He left the company a year ago and told all of us to fuck off because he was going to Chicago to join the Groundlings and become famous. Now he's on a radio station in Santa Rosa of all places. I wonder if the pride he swallowed was tasty...

But after this rogue's gallery of insult, there is one individual who tops them all...

And I work for him.

Lucky me.

Every two or three days, it's my job to repair things he's managed to foul up. And let's say something does go wrong, and he gets called on it, he tells the staff it's my fault.

Thus, I am proud to announce my promise to you.

I'm seeking new employment outside the radio industry.

This will be a welcome relief to the ears of listeners across Northern California. I just can't take it anymore.

But why have I stayed so long you ask?

I used to love radio.

Each day I would look forward with great anticipation to the first moment of the show when I would open up the mic and my imagination could push any idea I had into the forefront of listener's ears.

But radio, she is a tough mistress to keep.

I feel as though she has cheated on me, and continues to do so. And every time I find out, I simply say, "That's ok honey," as I turn around, bend over, and allow myself to take it up the exit door.

I'm tired of the long hours and miniscule pay. I'm tired of working for people I wouldn't normally socialize with outside of work. I'm tired of trying to bring up current events and have people tilt their head to one side and give me that look as though I'm speaking a foreign language.

People in radio are narcissistic, self-important, egotistical, mindless drones who believe that since they're paid to talk through a microphone that they hold some special power over the rest of us.

And I can't wait until satellite radio puts most of them out of work.

Thank you and good night.


  1. That post took a pretty intense turn. It's sad that the land of radio has gone to shit for you...I often cringe at the thought of the people you are forced to deal with every day. What vocation do you hope to enter next? I wish you much luck in your quest for an employment field that better deserves you.

    In regards to your last post: I AM SO FRICKEN EXCITED FOR BATMAN BEGINS!!!