Monday, August 08, 2005

The 10 Commandments of Life to My Nephew Nakai

I, Uncle Stacy, do bestow upon my young nephew Nakai, wisdom gained from years of committing mistakes when I should have known better. I provide this knowlege in the hope that you'll make fewer mistakes, and have fewer regrets, than I.

1. Women Are to Be Treated Right

Women will come and go in your life, and 99% of them will be amazing angelic souls who will bring you nothing but joy and fulfillment to your every waking day.

Discover and avoid the 1% who are otherwise and you will be a better man for it.

2. You Don't Need a Credit Card

A credit card will do nothing but feed you the devilish opportunity to spend money that's not really yours. In fact, the money is from a banking organization that will charge you for applying, charge you a yearly fee for the right, add interest to each and every item you purchase and then penalize you when you can't pay on time. Ask your bank for a debit card and spend what's yours when needed.

By the way, if you didn't hear me the first time...YOU DON'T NEED A CREDIT CARD.

Thank you.

3. Save, Save, Save, Save, Save

It may only be ten, twelve or $17.50 every paycheck that you deposit into a savings account, but save SOMETHING. And when you have enough money and can afford it, start investing. This was advice your grandfather passed on to me which I immediately ignored and am worse off for it.

When an emergency comes up, and they will, you'll know that you'll be okay because you were smart enough to put something aside.

And don't thank me, thank your grandfather with a hug and a beer when you get a chance.

4. There's a Time and Place for Everything and It's Called College

College will most likely be your first time on your own and it will further develop the man you will eventually become. Certain substances will become available to you and you will feel the pressure to try some of these said substances.

Trying is ok. Moderation is good. Overindulgence will lead you down a path that no ABC Afterschool Special is going to aleviate.

And I don't want to get all Very Special Episode of the Facts of Life on you, but keep condoms handy. You will thank me later. And so will she.

5. Live Your Passion

Find the one thing you're absolutely, positively passionaitte about and pursue it full throttle. You will find difficulty in several different directions at several individual junctures, but don't let that stop you. The hard work and diligence will pay off, trust me.

6. Treat People Right

People, in all their many annoying shapes and sizes, will get on your nerves from time to time (or if you're like your uncle, all the time.) Regardless of how you are being treated by someone, always treat them with courtesy and aplomb. Nothing diffuses anger like good manners.

7. Remember Your Family

When you reach the age of fourteen or fifteen, you're going to think you have all the answers, that the world is yours for the taking and that your parents are complete idiots. You won't realize it at the time, but you're making a complete and utter ass of yourself. When you're at your worst and hope is riding on E, your Mom and Dad will be there, always, with no questions asked. Don't forget that.

8. Control Your Anger

Anger is the one emotion that I'm honestly trying to get a handle on. I don't get angry very often, but when I do I have a hard time controlling it. It will make you act before you think and that is a very dangerous place to be. It's a cliche, but stopping, closing your eyes and counting to ten is the best thing you can do for yourself and those around you.

9. Take Care of Your Health

By now you will know that your uncle was never given the opportunity to live with good health. I've had to struggle and fight my way to controlling my body and maintaining a good quality of life. Don't take the good health you've been blessed with for granted and happiness will follow.

If you don't believe me, ask me to describe dialysis to you someday. Once I'm finished, you'll swear off fast food and booze for the remainder of your existence.

10. Call Your Parents

I call your grandparents once a week, every Sunday afternoon. They mean the world to me and I owe them more than I can ever repay. A phone call, regardless of where you are, costs very little and takes very little time. Plus, you can give your parents bragging material to share with their friends and co-workers.

This is simply a bare boned list of things I thought you should know before you bestow your full existence upon the world.

I hope they serve you well.

With great enthusiasm for your future,

Uncle Stacy


  1. I think you're great. And for the record, I appreciate that you treat me, as a woman, right. I know I only sort of count, I'm a friend/dialysis tech, but I appreciate it nonetheless. I also appreicate your genuinely kind, caring demeanor. Very few people have that, and it makes even my toughest days better. Your nephew is lucky ot have you, and so are we.

  2. Judging by your posts alone, I have deemed you to be one of the lovliest men in the world.

    Don't you dare dispute it.

    In regards to your previous post, I'm sorry you had an awful time at dialysis. I know it's all my fault for not being there to gallivant around in the nude while recounting tales that involved words like 'exsanguination.' I'll try not to let you down again.

  3. You are truly a joy to read. I will definitely come back!.

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  4. Hey, I'm pretty macho--but this one screams to the softer side of me and I am touched. Thanks a-million for the reminders, even tho you're not MY uncle. Nakai is SO lucky!