Thursday, March 03, 2005

Catheter Eve

This time tomorrow I will officially be a bonafide freak.

It's 1:30 in the morning on the eve of my catheter surgery and I can't sleep. Part of me wants to cancel the surgery and just continue with the painful and horrific needles three times a week. Deep down, in the bowels of my soul, I feel as though I deserve to continue with hemodialysis. Being stuck three times a week, burning for three hours at a time, is poetic justice in the eyes of fate.


I stopped talking to God a long, long time ago, so I don't believe it's retribution from Him. How can you be angry with someone you don't talk to? I'm not a perfect individual by any means, but I haven't committed any atrocities, especially not anywhere near the level of those we incarcerate.

So why is this happenning?

I wondered for a time if maybe this path was set out for me so I could find the one I was to spend the rest of my life with.

I discovered long ago that nurses aren't into flirting with patients. At least the sane one's aren't.

My credit has fallen into disrepair because of all the medical bills, I haven't bought a new shirt in two years and I relax on a couch purchased for $50 from a friend who had used up its uselessness.

So what is the point to my existence you may ask?

When I first started talking about my condition on the radio, people who were trying to live with illness came out of the corners of the county to talk with me.

Some even said I inspired them.

This came as quite a shock.

When you're cruising through your life, just trying to get by, just trying to stay alive, that's called survival. Inspiring others had nothing to do with it.

But I appreciated every person I spoke to, because without even verbalizing it, these people told me I wasn't alone.

And sometimes that's all you need to hear.

Monday, February 28, 2005

The Most Prestigious Award in Film...and They Call Him Oscar

I am dripping with disappointment over last night Oscar ceremony. To release some pent up aggravation over my favorite awards show of all time, I present the First Annual Stacy Awards:

--- Worst Performance by an Actor Even Though There's No Acting at the Oscars Award

I was blown away by Jamie Foxx in "Collatoral" since I never really enjoyed his stand-up and didn't believe he was the most talented individual on "In Living Color." So when he decided to conjure up some tears for his grandmother, it seemed forced and a little contrived. Congratz on the Oscar Jamie, but I hope your grandma whoops you in your dreams.

--- The "FCC Should've Stepped in and Censored You" Award

Hilary Swank. Former Miss "Karate Kid." Former Miss "Beverly Hills, 90210." Her first Oscar acceptance speech was emotional, heartfelt and tugged at the heart strings. This year's speech moved me to hit the mute button. Rules apply to everyone at the Oscars. Just because you're a two time winner doesn't mean you have to yell. Leave that to Chris Rock.

--- The Uma, Oprah Award

Chris Rock. I was very excited to hear that one of my favorite comedians was going to host the Oscars this year, shake things up a bit. Chris isn't just a comedian, he's an entertaining social commentator, my favorite type of performer. It seemed as though he spent all his time on the monologue and forgot to put any time, energy or creativity into all the other introductions he had to perform. The whole "interviewing moviegoers at the Magic Johnson theater" bit didn't even belong on his old HBO show. The bit about him replacing Catherine Zeta-Jones was cringe inducing.

--- Best PSA for Illiteracy Award

Prince. Huge fan of all of his work from the 80's. I own "The Hits" 1 & 2, but he either didn't care about the Best Song nominees or was too busy to go to rehersal. I hope I never run into him in a dark alley. That look in his eye while he was attempting to read the teleprompter was scary.

--- Best Reason to Watch the Oscars This Year

The stage. Having the nominees stand atop the name of the category with clips shown from each nominated piece of work was a creative breakthrough. I've heard they spent a cool million to get the stage that way with the sliding gold door for the nominees to stand behind. That was a wonder to watch. Unfortunately everything presented atop the stage floor was less than thrilling.

--- The "At Least They Got Something Right" Award

"The Incredibles" winning Best Animated Feature. No compeitition in this category, and if the Academy hadn't decided to add this category "The Incredibles" could've been a contender for Best Picture. The DVD is scheduled for release on March 15th. I've already enjoyed it in the theater (twice) but it's at the top of my Netflix listola. You want to witness creativity and talent mixed together at just the right temperature...rent "The Incredibles."

--- The "He Was Definately Drunk Before Presenting" Award

Dustin Hoffmann. He couldn't stop shifting his feet, turning and grinning at Bah-bra. He did redeem himself by whisering the winner of the award into Barbara's ear, but still, the whole world is watching. Can't you wait until after the show to toke??

I raise my glass to the cast and crew of "The Incredibles." And here's hoping that Jon Stewart, Dana Carvey, or Conan O' Brien are given the chance to grace the Kodak Theater stage this time next year.

"You need to see more movies. All of life's mysteries are answered in the movies." - Steve Martin "Grand Canyon"