Friday, February 24, 2006

I Can't Do This Anymore

I can't wander into work delirious from the painful trauma of Dialysis to be told by a coworker, "I wish you'd cover up your bandages, they're gross."

I can't ask out a woman anymore and have her be mortified when I bring up my condition.

I can't get caught lying on the floor of the studio and risk the rumormongering that I'm "lying down on the job."

I can't stop the blackouts.

I can't sleep.

I can't remember the last time I enjoyed myself.

I can't fathom my last kiss.

I can't stand being alone.

I can't continue to kill myself for my job when no one seems to care.

I can't look myself in the mirror without wanting to shatter my reflection.

I can't afford all my bills.

I can't look to the future because it depresses me.

I can't endure the nightmares.

I can't laugh anymore.

I can't keep losing my hair to Dialysis.

I can't continue missing out on Life.

6 comments:

  1. Stacy, I'm thinking of you and praying for you.

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  2. I'm thinking of you as well. You'll make it through.

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  3. Every one of you rules in the Great Book of Stacy.

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  4. Incoming-adoration! It cannot be refused! (L)(L)(L)

    "Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."

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