Thursday, February 09, 2006

The Top 5 People Who Make Dialysis Bearable

There are a few minutes at every Dialysis session that are less hellish because of these individuals and I wish to honor them at this time.

Their names have been changed because they could probably care less that they're in my Top 5.

Plus, there's no cash prize or shiny award. Only my priceless gratitude.

I could probably make a nifty certificate on my computer, but it would be mocked and ridiculed in their break room, so I won't take the time.

Please hold your applause until the entire list has been read.

Thank you.

5. Doe-Eyed Tech

Doe-Eyed Tech hasn't been with the company very long, but she made me feel very comfortable and relaxed the first day she hooked me up to the machine. She has the brightest brown eyes and was surprised when she discovered I was in my mid-30's.

"If it wasn't for that little tinge of gray, you could pass for your mid-20's."

It was mentioned with such a sweet lack of sarcasm that I felt better the rest of the day.

4. Lindsay Lohan Tech

I only refer to her by this name because Miss Lohan is the most famous redhead at this juncture.

I remember the first time she hooked me up. It was 5:30 in the frickin' morning (yes, I use "frickin" as a bargain basement version of "fucking") and I had only gotten a few hours of sleep. She put up with my grouchiness and my lack of communication and was as sweet as could be.

With so many patients, she's probably forgotten that incident, but I remember it vividly.

3. Raven Haired Tech

I asked her out before her impending marriage and she turned me down.

Smart girl.

Before she was married I would flirt with her mercilessly.

And she's a little loopy, which I always enjoy and makes Dialysis a little more bearable.

Plus, her rapid fire giggle makes me laugh.

2. Neckish Brunette Tech

I really miss her on the Night Shift. She was easy to make laugh and actually understood some of my more ludicrous references.

It was her blog that started this one you're attempting to enjoy now.

When she laughs, it spreads across the clinic like mayonaisse, sliding it's way into every corner of Dialysis. It was refreshing.

1. Hot Librarian Nurse

She has the distinction, such as it is, to be the only Nurse on the list.

When I plop all my various items down on my chair and I see that she will be my Nurse for the day, I realize my session won't be so torcherous. She has beautiful bright eyes with these dark rimmed glasses and always takes a few minutes to engage me in conversation while she's adminstering my meds.

I get the feeling she's doing that because she knows I have a crush on her.

Come to think of it, this entire list is about staff at Dialysis I find lovely and talented.

I'd retitle this post, but I'm too tired.

And my head is now filled with beautiful women in lab coats.

I think it's time for bed.


  1. Awww, you're officially divine. Let it be known that the Neckish Brunette Tech adores and misses you as well.