Sunday, March 05, 2006

The 78th Annual Stacy Awards

I would like to take a moment to quote myself, which is highly egotistical and just plain wrong, but it got a big laugh, so I will share it with you now:

"I'm a better nose picker than I am Oscar picker."

I made my Oscar picks about a week ago and, as usual, I went with emotion instead of logic and didn't win the big screen TV I wanted.

Since I don't have cable and no one felt me worthy enough to invite me to their Oscar party, I decided to pick up a Stacy Special (personal pizza with pepperoni, sausage and anchovies) and head to the conference room here at work where we have a little 13" that I've wasted countless hours in front of.

That's right. We're friends.

To my surprise, our night time jock Michelle was there with a bag of goodies because she is Pay TV Challenged as well.

So we formed our makeshift Oscar Party, which was kind of cool.

If the critics don't give Jon Stewart kudos for hosting the best Oscar show in years, it will be a as though they carjacked him in the parking lot before the event, only they did while he wasn't looking.

I was happy that George Clooney won for "Syriana" because not only did I experience the film firsthand, I thought he was fantastic in it. It's a film that I can recommend if you're interested in the current affairs of the oil industry and all the people it affects throughtout the planet.

You also have to REALLY pay attention, because the film has fifty different characters with forty-seven different agendas. Repeat viewing is probably needed, but I don't think I could endure it.

I was also pleased with "Crash" winning Best Picture. When Jack Nicholson was presenting, he was talking really slow, like he was doing a Phil Hartman version of himself. "Crash" was a fantastic film and reminded me of another film from the early 90's along the same lines: "Grand Canyon." Kevin Kline, Danny Glover, Steve Martin, Alfre Woodard and an all-star cast, written and directed by Lawrence Kasdan. I highly recommend both films.

And now we come to the part of the blog entry that only I've been waiting for...


Most Inspiring and Tear-Jerking Speech Award

Reese Witherspoon for "Walk the Line."

I wasn't really sure where she was going with the speech at first because she was just listing names of people she wanted to thank.

I despise those kinds of speeches.

And then she started to address why she began acting in the first place and how vital her parents were with support.

I turned to Michelle and she turned to me and we're both tearing up.

It was pretty funny.

Reese Witherspoon is a doll and extremely likable in everything she does. "Pleasantville", "Election", heck even "Legally Blonde" was infectious.

Most Obviously Drunk Presenters Award

We actually have three nominees in this category:

--- Jack Nicholson presenting "Best Picture"

I love the fact that Jack gets a front row seat every single year and he always seems to be enjoying himself. But when he got up there, he was talking so eerily slow and precise with the sunglasses hiding his eyes, that you just knew something was up.

--- Lauren Bacall introducing "Film Noir Montage"

I adore the fact that they bring out legendary film stars to introduce certain segments or categories on the show, but either she forgot her glasses or she had one too many before her moment. This one was just embarrassing.

--- Lily Tomlin & Meryl Streep introducing "Honorary Oscar for Robert Altman"

I know they were trying to speak in the vein of a Robert Altman film, but they kept stepping over each other's words and it was difficult and irritating. Apparently some people enjoyed it. I would not be some of those people.

And the Stacy goes to...

Lauren Bacall. I know she's a legend and performed for over 60 years, but Ms. Bacall, you've done Broadway, TV and film. Please get it together for the sake of you and the ones that care for you.

Stop Him Before He Does an Oscar Bit Again Award

We have a tie:

--- Ben Stiller

Your bit was funny, but after the first 30 seconds it went on way too long. This ranks up there with your dressing as Starsky while presenting with Owen Wilson at last year's awards.

--- Tom Hanks

The length of speeches bit was pretty unfunny. This ranks up there with doing Stupid Pet Tricks with David Letterman during his telecast. It's ok Tom, you're a funny guy. You don't have to keep proving it in year's you're not nominated. You've got two, be happy.

Funniest Moment of the Night Award

Will Ferrell and Steve Carell introducing Best Makeup and wearing the worst makeup possible. I didn't even realize Carell had anything on until they did a closeup, I thought the whole joke would be the Will wore bad makeup and Carell didn't.

By the way, the best movie of 2005 was definately "The 40 Year Old Virgin." Rent it. Enjoy it. Then e-mail and thank me.

So the final Oscar tally:

Stacy 5 (including my pick for Best Picture "Crash")
Michelle 13 (she rode the "Brokeback Mountain" so to speak)

Movies have been my friends over the years, taking me by the hand and guiding my mind away from my health problems, two hours at a time.

That is why I watch the Oscars every year religiously.

And best of all, I didn't have to watch them alone.

1 comment:

  1. It is impossible to hate Reese Witherspoon, she just seems like such a genuine and decent human being. Except I kind of have to hate her because she's so effing gorgeous and talented and she's worked with a lot of my favourite actors.

    Lauren Bacall's intro was the only time I felt extremely uncomfortable. And apparently she ran off with one of the stuffed penguins backstage. Oh, and I thought Lily Tomlin and Meryl Streep's bit was brilliant...except not until I watched it again the next day. At the time it was just annoying. Oh, and I've never been a fan of Streep's.

    I was very happy with the 'Crash' upset. And I love what a sore loser Ang Lee was about it. Harharhar.