Friday, October 20, 2006

The Stacy Dialysis Reality Check

I've been approached by one of the nursing students to do a case study on what it truly feels like to be a Dialysis Patient.

She caught me on a bad day.

Here is how I responded on the questionairre. Maybe I should have been more serious.

To acheive a realistic case study of what it truly means to be a Dialysis Patient, here's what I suggest you do:

1. Get yourself an easy chair that doesn't quite recline the way you like and pokes you in the back continuously.

2. Sit in said chair with one of your arms tied down with two painful needles inserted.

3. Stay put for three to four hours, depending on what treatment you're trying to replicate.

4. Four feet away place an elderly gentleman with terrible gas and a bad attitude who likes to shout phrases like, "Fuck your cabbage," or "Douche bags are tasty," continuously through the treatment.

5. Give elderly man a 13" diagonal TV and turn it up to full volume while tuned to some tacky novella.

6. Have someone playing a doctor come by, ask you how you're doing and then ignore everything you say.

7. Make sure at the 2 hour mark to have someone take a vice clamp, apply it to your right calf and tighten it as far as possible for as long as possible.

8. Repeat three times a week until a new kidney becomes available or you pass on.

The preceding may seem faceitous, but there's nuggets of truth scattered throughout.

I haven't seen her since.

Sometimes the truth hurts, especially when you're on Dialysis.


  1. Why would you want to give anything less than the painful truth? That nurse would be an idiot to not take advantage of it. I think that's admirable of you.

    I know if I was faced with a similar task I'd balk and end up feigning some sort of indifference.

  2. hi stacy;

    i've been reading for quite sometime, and i have four cents to share (two cents times two!)

    i. i think you should look into a dialysis support group - it would do you some good to talk with people who are experiencing and coping with the same things you are.

    ii. i also think that you are experiencing substantial depression, and should speak with someone about it. life doesn't have to, and shouldn't, look so dark, nor bleak. i think you're under a bit of a cloud, and need a little help getting out from under it, be that through talking, or through medication.

    by all means, take this with a grain of salt - this is the internet, and there are a tonne of nutters out there, or in here, i suppose - but give it some consideration. it can't hurt, right?

    take care, and good luck.