Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I Hate the Coddingtown Peeps, Yo

Yo Coddingtown Peeps, whassup?

What's that? You don't remember me?

I'm that skinny ass dude who you flashed your piece at the other night.

That's right. The one with the P.O.S. truck.

I didn't mean to interrupt your "transaction", but I was trying to get back to work because our station was off the air.

No, that's not code that "I want to buy crack."

It's 2am and I had a work emergency. That's the only reason I was out here. Why the hell are you outside my apartment complex gate at this hour? It's frickin' freezin.

Again, let me repeat myself, that's not code for "I want to buy crack."

Listen, next month I'll be out of this hellish neighborhood and you can harass anybody and everybody, I really don't care. But right now I have to get back to work.

Yes, you're right about that. I do work for "the Man."

Oh yeah, I'll keep my Pimp Hand strong.

(The preceding was an amalgam of conversations I had on numerous occasions attempting to leave my apartment complex in the Coddingtown area of Santa Rosa. For as long as I exist, I will continue to curse and loathe the Coddingtown peeps. May karma devour their souls.)

Sunday, January 15, 2006

The Deep End of the Stacy Gene Pool

It was an average, ordinary run-of-the-mill Stacy kind of day (geez, I hate them so) until I checked my e-mail.

The last I heard from my Baby Sister Amos, she was pummeled by bronchitis and my nephew Nakai was suffering through his first pneumonia.

Not a red letter day for the Stacy Without an E Family.

But I should probably start from the beginning.

My sister is only three years younger than me, but I still call her my Baby Sister anyway. Her name is Amy, but I call her Amos as a term of endearment.

As far as I know, I'm the only one that calls her that, so I own it completely.

As we grew up together, since I was the Big Brother, I was always the one who was allowed to do things first, while my sister at times had to wait until she was older.

Little did I know, this would serve to her advantage, and she would surpass her Big Brother in many aspects of her life as we grew into adulthood.

And then, when my health was at risk, and Dialysis was nipping at my heels, she stepped up and donated a kidney without question.

As the years passed on, I noticed certain aspects of my personality began to change and morph as her kidney reconciled itself to my system.

All my life I wasn't the biggest fan of sweets. Suddenly, I'm a chocolate fiend.

My intelligence was fair, but I found myself quicker to wit than before.

And most importantly, I developed an inner strength that has slowly developed and served me well over the last eighteen months.

My sister's kidney eventually failed, but I'm a better man because of it's presence.

And for that, I'm eternally grateful.

So back to my sister's health.

I hadn't heard from any member of her family in a number of weeks. I called her home and cell, but only spoke to voice mail.

Because I spend too much time alone and my mind tends to take one circumstance and steamroll it into a million possibilities, I was extremely worried.

All it took was one e-mail to quench my thirst for peace.

Amy and her family are doing fantastic. She was just promoted to General Manager at her company, so she and her husband are looking to sell their home and find a bigger one because...

She's pregnant with her second child.

Words fail to describe the happiness I felt when I learned the good news.

You realize of course what this means.

I'm going to be an Uncle Squared.

And I can throw the name "Stacy" back into the hat of naming possibilities.

"Stacey With An E" has a nice ring to it, don't you think?