Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Eraditcating an Era of Dialysis

Today was a momentous day in the history of Stacy Without an E, because I said goodbye, farewell and thanks for all the fish to my old Dialysis clinic.

I had requested to destroy one of the old Dialysis machines with an all American wooden baseball bat, but the nurse on duty mentioned something about "proper disposal."

Which is what I wanted to do with my "slugger swing."

It has been a nearly two year time of tumultuous self discovery and outright hatred of my condition, but I've survived it all.

With the departure of my old clinic, I leave behind a very dangerous Vicodin habit, brought on by the unbearable burning sensation in my arm.

I also have lessened my dependence on self loathing and the destructive behavior that it entails.

I'm also pretty proud of the fact that I've begun a workout program that has weakened and tormented Dialysis to no end.

I've even stared jogging, which is my new favorite since Dialysis cowers and shudders, nearly drawn to tears with every beat of my increasing pulse.

I drove to the new clinic over the weekend just so I wouldn't waste time in the rain on Monday. Nobody was home, but I peered in the front doors to witness the shiny new floors, nearly resembling the entrance to a fancy hotel.

The capacity will be doubled from 24 to 48 chairs. With a fifteen hour business day, and roughly one patient every three hours, the maximum occupancy level will increase substantially.

My only disappointment is in the television situation. Instead of the TV's having tiny little seven inch diagonal screens on little cranes, they will be attached the ceiling.

I have trouble reading copy that's eighteen inches in front of my face in the on air studio, so I have no clue how I'm going to see my favorite shows and movies.

But I'll worry about that tomorrow.

I now raise a urine sample to my new clinic. I'm hopeful with the shiny new digs I can begin an era of cooperation of understanding with my nemesis Dialysis.

But don't count on it.