Friday, November 02, 2007

Free Floating Hostility: 9 Things I Hate About People

Since it's been a while since I posted, I've been boiling up with unrequited rage over the human race. Thus, I present for your enjoyment:

"9 Things I Hate About People"

1. People who grunt at the gym. Women don't find you attractive, I've asked. Mommy not give you enough attention?

2. People who block aisles. They're usually the fattest people possible with a blank look on their face while grabbing high priced merchandise with their chubby little fingers.

3. People who won't flush. I'm not in the mood to take in the aroma of your biggest accomplishment of the day. It takes two seconds, use the handle Neanderthal.

4. People who don't mind their kids. I'm on Dialysis. When your kid comes up and punches me in the arm I get REALLY angry. "But he's just a kid." No, he's a brat who's going to carjack me when he's sixteen if you don't get him under control. Idiots.

5. People who spit up loogies. These are usually guys with wife beater shirts and lots of tattoos. And they always spit near me. Dude, I have extra class. If I give you some will you act like a human being for once?

6. People who blast their music in the car. Loud music is fine, I understand that. Music that shatters my side mirrors isn't. And for whatever reason, it's always rap music. Bad rap music. Another schmuck Mommy didn't hug enough. Retard.

7. People who are lazy and expect the government to pay for their existence. A few months of welfare to feed your kids and get you back on your feet, fine. Sitting on your ass all day playing Mario Kart all day and tricking out your Lexus, not cool.

8. People who equate their value with how much money they make. Your car is nicer than mine and your shirt cost $200. Keep pointing that nose up in the air so I can jam a big can of "I don't give a damn up there." Money doesn't buy happiness, nor that ego you're exposing.

9. People who whine about having the sniffles. This is mostly people at work. Maybe I shouldn't get so upset, but I would LOVE to have a few sniffles and a runny nose instead of dealing with six painful needles and ten hours of my life lost per week. Be thankful woosies.

Thanks for listening. I feel better about myself and the world around me.

1 comment:

  1. Hey you...

    Long time no read, see, stick with needles, and all that.

    I'm stoked as hell that you're blogging again and sound as much of a smart ass as ever.

    Iowa's lame, but could be worse. I abandoned my blog as you perhaps noticed, started a new one, but the bad behavior it exhibits prevents me from sharing. *sigh*

    I miss hearing from you, you should email or something...

    ReplyDelete