Thursday, January 17, 2008

And On the Sixth Day, He Created Farts, Just for Fun

When God was creating Man in his own image, there are certain personal humorous touches he wished to add to entertain Himself when He needed a break from Creation.

Creating everything is hard work, even for God.

As He was perfecting the Human Specimen, He would occasionally indulge in fermented nectar. It was sweet and smooth and made His essence feel tingly all over.

It was late one evening and God was on the Fifth Day of Creation. He was tired and melancholy. The loves and the fishes were easy, but this Man Creature was becoming quite troublesome.

And He only had two days left. God likes deadlines. Keeps Him on schedule.

There's nothing more tragic than a Procrastinating God.

He had been testing the Human Intestinal System and couldn't quite get it right. Oh sure, it worked just fine, absorbing nutrients and ridding the Human Body of excess waste.

But still, He was not impressed by this amazingly routine process.

It needed a little extra "oomph" as God called it.

He believed that there would be times in the lives of His Human Creation that Man would be unhappy.

This made God sad.

He wished for the Human Body to have a surprise that could erupt at any given moment.

And thus the miraculous Fart was born.

God spent the last thirty six hours of Creation dabbling in Farts.

He started with the smaller ones that Poot out and can make you jump. He decided to save these for the Woman. He believed it would suit for their feminine sensibilities.

Then He created the Stutter. Long and loud. This one made God giggle with glee.

The Foghorn. The Squeaker. The Sneaker and Squeaker.

The Flubber. The Jelly. The Hidden and the Smelly.

The Killer. The Medley. The Silent But Deadly.

So for the remainder of eternity, whenever a Fart graces your existence take note that somewhere, God is laughing his ass off.

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