Sunday, January 27, 2008

The Official Stacy Vice

I'm a pretty simple guy when it comes to vices. I drank so intensely my first year of college that I used up all desire for its effects. An ashtray full of cigarette butts make me want to choke. I balance on the edge of truth when it comes to drugs because I try not to count the first eighteen months of Dialysis when I was hopped up on Vicodin just to survive.

As I reach forth and attempt to grab age thirty-eight, there is only one vice that controls every fiber of my being. This is a vice that I could enjoy each and every day for the remainder of my life and pass as a fulfilled human being.

That's right. The BLT sandwich.

You're right. I should probably explain.

The BLT is the perfect sandwich. Bacon all by it's lonesome is an elegant meat. Greasy yet chewy, tasty but filling.

But when I order an extra side of bacon with my scrambled eggs and tall orange juice, my stomach starts to make alarming sounds. It grinds and twists and bellows in a way that only small animals do moments before their demise in the middle of the highway.

Thus, B needs L and T.

Take two large slices of sourdough bread and lightly toast each side. Add a thin layer of butter and allow it to melt evenly into the bread. Add two slices of tomato cut a quarter inch thick and then slice them into equal halves. Only a small, crisp slice of lettuce is needed or desired.

Slather on a small amount of mustard on one slice of toast, a smidgen of mayonnaise on the other.

Take three long, delicious, tantalizing slices of cooked bacon and place them firmly between the two slices of prepared sourdough toast along with the lettuce and tomato. Please note: the bacon must stick out from both ends of the bread to dominate the sandwich.

The Bacon is and always must be the star of the BLT. If the L or T try to dominate, the perfect balance of the BLT will be disturbed and taste will be sacrificed.

As you take the first half of this delectable BLT into your hands, allow your eyes to take in all the colors and textures. When you approach that first bite, take it slow and savor every moment.

As you chew, close your eyes and smile. For this BLT's moment will never come again.

If you wish to barter with me, offer a BLT.

Need to apologize for an error in judgment, bust out a BLT.

Can't afford to pay me all the cash you owe me? You better pull up with a wagon full of BLT's.

I'm secure enough in my manhood to say this with utter sincerity and honesty.

I love you BLT.

1 comment:

  1. Ahhh, bacon! I can almost survive this stupid no-cheese renal diet, as long as I have bacon. But you seem to be overlooking the joys of bacon with turkey, sliced green apple, and 1000 Island dressing. . .come on, Stac, branch out!
    jbeany from IHD