Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Leading By Example

I have informed every staff member at Dialysis who doesn't find me creepy and repugnant (I'm talking to you Angelic Blonde Babe) that I have some instructions that must be strictly followed if I am to expire inside the walls of this wonderfully hellish clinic.

There is a bench for people to pass out on once they've weighed themselves on the gigantic scale that could weigh an elephant (and often does).

Once I am Half Past Dead, please place my body on said bench. For God's sake, put an over-sized foam hat on my head and make sure it covers the look of Death on my lifeless mug.

Place a sign on my chest that reads the following:

"I didn't take my meds, look at me now."

Patient compliance will soar.

After a few days I understand my aroma will be unbearable. For some of the patients in the clinic, this will not be new to them.

Feel free to buy a surplus of those wonderfully amazing Glad Plug-Ins and stick them into any orifice that seems appropriate.

My Dead, Rotting Corpse thanks you.