Wednesday, April 22, 2009

God's Action Figure

When I use this phrase to describe myself, some people believe that I am typing offense toward "Their God."

Since when does anybody "own" God? Did Wal-Mart sneak up and grab Him as a spokesperson when I wasn't looking? Can you find God in every Starbucks on every corner suggesting overpriced sandwiches? When I'm lost at Home Depot will He find shower heads for me on Aisle 42?

Any time I mention my belief (or lack thereof) in the Almighty, I always get e-mail's from devout Christians saying, "You're going straight to hell and I wish to read no more."

Hell? Well, maybe. I'm definitely serving time in purgatory, that's a given.

Oh wait. I already am. I'm a Dialysis patient. Silly me.

But back to the title of this particular post.

I have a theory as to why God finds me so consistently entertaining.

One lovely Spring day in God's People Factory his duty for the day was almost finished. He had just applied the most succulent lips ever to Angelina Jolie and given John Kerry a head three sizes too big when he had all these random parts just lying around.

He could have gone home to his Cloud Formed Easy Chair (designed by Him of course) and flipped on "Lost" and called it another pleasant day.

But He was in a tinkering mood.

He grabbed a torso that was no longer a boy's, but not quite a man's and placed it in the middle of his workshop table. Since this wasn't skinny enough, he fished out extremely skinny arms and legs to coincide with said Extra Small Man's Torso. A grin came to his face because he knew I'd be wearing Extra Large Boy's Boxers for the remainder of my life.

He continued unabated. He was so entertained by his John Kerry head gaffe that he gave me one nearly as large.

Bright eyes, slightly larger lips and ears that stick out gently. I should probably thank God for those because women are always commenting on my eyes and lips.

All the parts were in place and He was nearly finished when He realized something.

The Almighty Master of Creation had run out of functioning kidneys.

God, on this rare occasion became a little flustered.

He knew that he had a fresh supply earlier, but today hadn't been a great day for kidneys. A number of them had to be discarded and their Inner Energy used for something else.

With little time remaining, because my soul was set to arrive any minute, God chose the best of the rest from the pile of mistakes.

"Forgive me son, for you will know pain and suffering. But you will also discover truth and beauty."

And the kidneys that were God's eventually became mine.

As my soul, fresh and untouched, began to slowly ride a breeze of fate, God found himself amused by this creation.

"I must keep an eye on this one. He could be fun."

My soul arrived and enveloped God's Newest Creation. My eventual adult body was swept away by the calling of the people who would eventually become my parents.

And here I sit today. An experiment gone awry. A body caving in on itself.

And still, God smiles.

For He knows what I have still failed to grasp.

That truth and beauty are still out there.

And I need to forge through and make their acquaintance.

Before its too late.

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