Thursday, January 22, 2009

Stacy Vacation 2009: Day 6...I'm on BlogTalkRadio

For those of you who are keeping track, yes, I skipped Day 5 because it was highly uneventful and overly annoying.

Kind of like me on the radio. Or in person. Or in my blog.

Today began like every other day of my vacation with my inner voice yawning, "Hey there buddy. Yeah, we feel like crap again today, lets just stay in bed and stare at the marks on the ceiling."

Damn lazy inner voice.

I scheduled my treatment early so I could join Dr. Anonymous and Kim of as their guest with Tracy from KaplyInc on the Dr. Anonymous Show on

I know what you're thinking.

"Stacy, aren't you on the radio enough? Do you really need more airtime? Or deserve more?"

The answers to those questions are yes, no and probably not.

Not necessarily in that order.

I'm fascinated by the whole process because its all done through the phone line. That's pretty amazing. Considering we use what's considered professional radio equipment, I'm overwhelmed by what people are able to create on their own.

I decided to come into work and use the land line so:

A) I don't have to pay for the damn call.
B) The audio fidelity will be better and not digitized.

Much like I am in person, I was all over the place and didn't quite articulate my points as clearly as I wanted to. But I'm really thankful they asked me to join them.

On my radio show, I don't talk about treatment much anymore.

When I first started Dialysis, I would talk about it in the last break before I ended the show.

This illicited two very different reactions.

There were people angry that I would "bum them out" talking about my condition. They told me to "shut the fuck up and just play the fucking music."

Gee thanks. I'm sure you'll never have to deal with an a illness and everything will be fine and dandy and you'll live your years disease free.

The other side was really surprising.

People who are dealing with their own health issues stepped up to tell me how inspirational I was. I continued to work even though I had this terrible illness.

Believe me. That's not what I was going for. Or how I see myself.

I'm just a schmuck who loves what he does and gets another chance every day to get it right.

If you'd like to hear my thoughts on Dialysis, click the following link:

Dr. Anonymous Show #69: Dialysis

Look at the player in the center of the screen and hit play for Show #69.

Thank you and good night.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Stacy Vacation 2009: Day 4...Two Hours of Vertical Time

The longer you're on Dialysis, no matter how hard you try, it starts to slowly and methodically kill you.

Which is why "Vacation" has turned into "Excessive Bed Rest Time."

I'm so disappointed and I don't know why I continually do this to myself over and over and over again.

"Hey, I'm going to do this and I'm going to go there and meet up with so-and-so. It'll be so fantastically entertaining I'll be talking about it for years to come."

I managed to arise by 1pm to devour some delicious chicken tacos at my favorite Taqueria and read the paper.

Once that concluded, I was too weak and dizzy to travel anywhere else.

My life has become a big waiting room of resting while I wait for my next Dialysis treatment.

P.S...Make sure to sign on to @ 6pm this Thursday, January 22nd at 6pm (as Anonymous brought up on my last entry, yes, it is Pacific Time) where I'll be railing against Dialysis, exposing the huge Dialysis Conspiracy and generally getting myself into more trouble.

I've got nothing left, so this is what I do.

Monday, January 19, 2009

Stacy Vacation 2009: Day 3...Labor of Loathing

The last two vacations I took, it happened. My body decided to take a vacation, thus leaving me weak and dizzy in bed while it went out and had some personal time with that cute redhead at the bagel shop.

That's right. My body feels no regret leaving me behind while it portends to have a good time.

So be it.

I tried arising from my bed two, three, five times to no avail.

And the problem with being this diluted, it limits my appetite when food would make me feel half past decent.

I managed to shower, clean myself up and head out to Gottschalks to find a new wallet.

(You may remember that my last one fell out of my pocket back in June and some lowlife tried to fill up their gas tank with my debit card. Loser squared.)

So there I was, about to benefit because Gottschalks is in bankruptcy proceedings, or going out of business, or maybe just trying to fool us all to bolster sales.

Whatever the case, I found my new slim, leather wallet originally worth $45 for $20.

For those of you playing along at home, it took seven months to buy a new wallet.

In my defense, Dialysis is slowly killing me.

Tonight at treatment they seated me very closely next to Humongous Gout Dude.

Every treatment he kicks off his shoes and allows his aromatic feet to disgust everyone within eyeshot.

Then, as I was being removed, he just stared at me, mouth agape, drooling slightly and smelling of Lays Potato Chips, his nutrition of choice during treatment.

Of the many personality traits of patients I loathe, after everything I've experienced during my tenure here, that is numero uno.

Here's a little tip to the staff at my excellent clinic: No. Frickin'. Staring. Allowed.

There used to be a rule that no guests were allowed during hookup or release of the needles.

I've seen their look of contempt. Its simple to read it in their eyes.

"I'm glad I'm not you."

The staff wonders why this makes me so angry when people observe me as their own personal car wreck.

Close your eyes, imagine you're in pain and people are gawking.

Go ahead. I'll wait.

None too fun, is it?

This concludes this entry for Stacy Vacation 2009 Day 3, which I really am regretting about starting in the first place.

(Note to self: In the future, don't blog about your vacation. Its just a cruel reminder of the life that I no longer have.)

Thank you and good night.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Stacy Vacation 2009: Day 2...Early Dizziness & Later Triumphs

Weak. Exhausted. Full of doubt as to whether I would arise today or not.

If it weren't for the Pittsburgh Steelers, I would still in bed stewing in my own lack of hygiene.

Eventually managed to pull myself together around 1:30pm with a shower and a shave and a desire to see the Pittsburgh Steelers reach the Super Bowl.

For those who may believe I'm a fair weather fan, here are my credentials as follows:

--- My father grew up in Wheeling, West Virginia, three hours from Pittsburgh.

--- My father worked as an ironworker for 20 years on both coasts, thus living up to the origin of the team.

--- I watched all four 70's Super Bowl's on my Dad's lap in our giants easy chair.

--- The year that the Steelers went to Super Bowl XXX, my father and I went to one of their final wins that season at the Oakland Coliseum. As we were waiting for BART, everybody was quiet except for dotted fans along the breezeway talking crap. Creepiest ten minutes of my life.

--- In 1990, my father purchased my first and only Pittsburgh Steeler jacket. I am wearing it as I compose this entry.

I called my parents immediately after the game and my Dad didn't want to talk too long because he was having immense back pain. I spoke to my Mom, who's also not feeling well these days.

This saddened me, but I was hoping they could join me here for Super Bowl XLIII.

I can't travel because of my six day a week treatments. Chalk up another score for Dialysis.

I'm willing to have treatment early on Friday and then drive the nine hours to La Pine, Oregon, but they'll have nothing to hear of it.

I just thought of an idea.

What if I were to drive there without them knowing??

They would be angry for a little while, but that would eventually evaporate.

I will have to muse upon that.

All in all, Day 2 of the Official Stacy Vacation 2009? 60/40.

I'm going to workout. Thank you and good night.

P.S...Make sure to sign on to @ 6pm this Thursday, January 22. I will be a guest on the Dr. Anonymous Show with guest host Kim (who used to be a tech at my clinic) I'll be discussing my illness, how I've dealt with Dialysis treatments and about this blog.